I’ve missed this smile on me.

It’s so easy to preach this now that I’m removed from a place of hurt. Now that I’m not in a daily feeling of stuck. Now that this smile is a much more common occurrence. But I still remember what it feels like to not be here. It’s hard work to keep your mindset here. And I would be lying if I said I’m not still working to overcome the old one everyday.

What kept me from letting go was not believing it was happening to me. ME. But anyone can get trapped in a headspace that is not of themselves when dealing with trauma. And when I faced that disbelief, it was too obvious to ignore anymore and too unlike me not to change. But you have to put your pride aside, recognize what you are allowing to happen, face it, and work to move from it.

If someone, something or someplace is keeping you small, or holding you back, or causing you more pain than happiness, let it go.

No matter how important that thing is, and you know the one I’m talking about. It’s the one that you’re thinking of right now while you’re reading this and pretending like you cannot relate to it and your thing is different and it’s going to change and excuse, excuse, excuse, that one. (I remember those feelings too.) It is not as important as you.

Your own happiness.
Your own freedom.
Your own growth.
Your own potential.
Your smile that you’ve missed seeing on your own face.

I get you. I have felt what you’re feeling. I have cried for the same reasons. I put on my brave face everyday to hide it from everyone else, too. But what I’ve learned most through this part is that people see you, sometimes better than you see yourself. And you aren’t fooling anyone.

But when you let go, when you work through it and eventually your smile is back to coming from your eyes, you’ll realize you’ve missed her. You’ll realize your only apologies need to go to her and she is waiting to forgive you.

Then you’ll realize that nothing is more important than making sure she gets to stick around.💕